There’s been a lot of shitting on gift guides lately, which is honestly kind of heartening but also a bit perplexing, because it’s like… the entire internet feels 99% gift guide all the time? Just people telling you to buy things left, right, and center, manufacturing desire—individual people seemingly deputized by The Economy to take over what used to be Don Draper’s job. Some days this makes me want to die, and some days I’m like hell yes bitch, let’s fucking go, let’s smoke the crack of capitalism. We’re all so tired and sad. Me included! I’m not above it, babe—I love buying shit.
A few years ago, when I adopted a puppy from the kill shelter in San Bernardino and she got extremely sick and passed away within two months, I spent like four weeks straight watching TikTok eight hours a day, like it was my full-time job—clocking in at the TikTok-watching factory. I ordered so much fucking shit that the girlies my personal algorithm served me recommended (head massager, skincare, drawer organizers, various gua sha tools, etc.) that one day the Amazon guy just left that massive yellow plastic crate—the one the size of two shopping carts—on my doorstep with all my packages in it. I don’t know what the point of this story is, but it was depressing and I’m sorry. Happy holidays! (Look I am not proud of dancing with the Bezos devil, but also: there’s no ethical consumption under capitalism!!!)
Speaking of which—none of these are affiliate links, not because I’m too good for that, but because I don’t know how (yet). Woman in STEM, etc. So far the only influence I have pertains to 30-year-old guitar-rock music, but life is long and I am available for #spon.
ANYWAY—I personally like gift guides, especially the random and chaotic ones. Here is mine. I tried to include some surprise and delight, and some things that might chip away at the aforementioned tired/sadness. Almost no books, because I’ll be doing a separate post about everything I read this year for the pod. Here we go:
HO HO HO
Jesse Pearson, host of the wonderful Apology podcast, editor of Apology magazine, and absolute ball knower when it comes to books, is offering an incredible service in which he creates for you, based on your input, a beautifully tailored custom syllabus of books to read. Books are a good gift, encouragement of reading a better one, a bespoke syllabus by Jesse? Ideal. In his words: “I will build you a syllabus of ten books according to your tastes and reading ambitions. These can be books of fiction, nonfiction, art, photography, comics, erotica, poetry—you can let me know how you’d like that divvied up—or I can decide for you based on your directions. This will not just be a bullet-pointed list; each book recommended will come with a meaty custom write-up about its value, its points of interest, and why I think it will become a new favorite of yours.” It’s somehow only $150 even though I think he should charge more.
In the vein of coaxing your loved ones (and yourself) out of the internet and into the world: museum memberships are a really nice gift. Same goes for a membership to a repertory theater (Vidiots here in LA is a great one). Or a gift certificate to an art class (personally I’d really like to learn to knit because I am WASHED).
A Cameo from me. (The horrors persist and still she must market Cameos). I’ll do them up through Christmas day probably. If you order after December 17th, I will do it from London and maybe I will do a fun accent (I won’t).
A subscription to Brittany Spanos’ new Substack Brit Pop. Brittany Spanos - one of the best music writers in the game - was one of the staffers laid off by Rolling Stone last week. Loser behavior on their part! She is brilliant, funny, charming, and cool, has written cover stories about all your favorites (including the recent wonderful Addison Rae one), and her new newsletter will feature essays, reviews and playlists. I have zero doubt it will be fab just like everything she does.
This large Silver Jews American Water promo poster (I would try to frame it before I gifted it but I do realize this guide is a bit late so you could just drop it at the framer and print a photos of it out and put it in a card with the ticket to pick up the framed poster).
Somehow still no one has purchased this Suede promo MOBILE for me.
1996 Nick Cave and PJ Harvey Henry Lee promo poster.
Japanese advert for Desperately Seeking Susan? Yes thank you.
The bondage-y 1994 VOX cover of Oasis where Noel is holding a rope around Liam’s neck.
I love old press kits as gifts. Like this PJ Harvey one. Or this Television one. Or this David Byrne one. Dinosaur Jr! This one for the Clueless soundtrack is incredible.
In the same vein I love buying old promo photos. On some Bandsplain 2025 episodes all stars, this Massive Attack one is gorge. So is this Jesus and Mary Chain one. This Elastica one is signed by all the members!
I didn’t include many t-shirts this time (hit up any of the dealers I featured in this piece they have incredible stuff) but this James jersey is so sick.
Physical media is a fetish of mine as you all know. Tapeholic on Etsy has so many good cassette tapes.
I think I included this in last year’s gift guide too but guess what it’s still a fucking great gift. The DVD set of The Work of Directors: Spike Jonze, Chris Cunningham, Michel Gondry. This one is signed.
Adopt someone some coral. It’s $30 a pop (six makes a colony), and the best part: it’s trackable! Way better than naming a star, because you’re actually restoring real beauty and ecological importance in the ocean. From their website: Your adoption funds us collecting a fragment from a resilient wild coral, growing it in a nursery into a strong, healthy baby coral, and—after about a year—outplanting it onto a damaged reef where it helps rebuild habitat and bring marine life back.
Lastly if you have a friend who is having trouble sleeping, tell them to get some blue light blocking glasses for the evenings and also get them these stickers to slap on all the ten million little lights that come off of every goddamn electronic in their bedroom, effectively ruining their circadian rhythms and sleep cycles (this will be my only health bro suggestion, I am sorry I just could not help myself).
Happy shopping xx
I want “let’s smoke the crack of capitalism” on a t-shirt